Date:	2005-10-04 20:44
Subject:	sad
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	tell me who should i be to make you love me?

I don't know how I feel right now, other than depressed. I hooked up with a guy about a week ago, then again a couple nights ago. I work with him, and everytime I see him he has an attitude, I get all panicky and look like a total weirdo. He gives me this attitude usually when we work together, but then sometimes at work, and always outside of work, he's fine. I really like him...but...
Then...I see him checking out this girl. She actually looks a lot like me- same dark hair and eyes. One difference. She's a rail, I'm a fucking tree trunk. I feel like crying. I feel like taking a vaccuum and sucking the nasty fat right out of me.

Date:	2005-10-02 17:22
Subject:	fuck!
Security:	Public
Mood:	full

i ate today. big time. I went to the cafeteria for breakfast, planning on only having some fruit. Well, "some fruit" turned into some sausage, part of a bagel, a bowl of frozen yogurt, a waffle, an omelet, and two bowls of cereal. Does ANYONE in this world eat like that??!! Then, I couldn't fucking purge because I was with my friend and he won't let me. I'm hoping, maybe some will still come up when I go back to my room, and i just won't eat for the rest of the day. I'm fine until I go into the fucking cafeteria and see the food. Why does it have to be like this??

Date:	2005-10-01 22:59
Subject:	today
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

Work makes it impossible for me to be thin. i'm surronded by fried food and chocolate. today I could not stop eating, it was out of control. I purged once in the bathroom. I can't afford any more mistakes. I'm tired of being trapped in this body. There is a beautiful person hidden inside.

Date:	2005-09-28 15:28
Subject:	what a fuckin fatty
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

I did terrible eating yesterday, as usual. Today I already had enough. I had this little breakfast sandwich, then later I had a cappuchino smoothie, which was bad enough. I have gained quite a few punds already since I've been in school, and it's already visible. I always gain so much weight in my face. I make myself sick.

Date:	2005-09-26 00:36
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

I am a fat ass

I hate my life

I hate how I waste my money on food

I hate how all i do is think about food

All i do is eat and then hate myself for it

when does all the craziness end

why cant i be normal?

why do i have to be soo controlled by it

Its only food it is meant to be a staple of human life..

people eat it everyday

but can I have a healthy relationship with it?

NO OF COURSE NOT!!

I have to have the most F*cked up relationship with it...

i either dont eat it at all... which are the GOOD DAYS.. bc i never want to eat

or the other SH*TTY DAYS.. which is most of my life when all i do is eat and eat and eat...

wheather i purge or not i still feel like shit.. i wanna slice my life up.. its already a piece of crap.....

this is too much to handle... I want it all to just end

Date:	2005-09-25 23:33
Subject:	misunderstood
Security:	Public
Mood:	cranky
Music:	Kelly Osbourne

Does anyone understand??
I hate when people tell me I'm not fat when I am.
I hate not being able to wear what i want.
I hate having a midriff that looks like a box.
I hate being enslaved.